The Invisible Men Get Even
by fragonknight01
Summary: Harry and Neville are out to get even with the people who have manipulated their lives up to this point. And, it all started when Dumbledore could not relinquish control...
1. Chapter 1

"Dumbledore, I am sick of you ruining my life, and I want you to know that I intend to make you pay for all the manipulating, conniving, stealing, lying, cheating, raping, pillaging, and telemarketing you have done in the name of 'for the greater good'. I have been to other dimensions and have learned things that will make you rue the day you decided that you had to run my life for me and live for the vicarious thrill of dictating terms for a being more powerful than yourself."

Dumbledore woke from the dream he had been locked in and glanced around nervously to make sure that the speech Harry had just given him had in fact been a dream. It hadn't been, but he did not realize that the phoenix sitting at the head of his bed was not Fawkes. Even when the bird turned around and launched a liquefied line of excrement across his face and blankets, he still did not get a clue. The old man simply waved his wand hand and the mess vanished. After all, Fawkes had been his familiar for a long time...

Harry flamed back to the Gryffindor common room and turned back into the sweet, mild-mannered, biddable boy whom everyone adored. (Yes, folks, he managed to morph into Draco Malfoy there for a second.) Eventually though he found his own form and after glaring at the idiots standing around staring at him, he stomped up to his dorm and with a satisfied grin, slammed the door so loudly that all four of his dorm mates woke up and started screaming like demented fan girls.

Harry smiled at them and said, "Come, my beauties. It is time we set up a few pranks for the leaving day feast. I just served warning on Dumbledore and as usual he ignored me. And, in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, 'This means war!'.

Ron yawned, rolled over, farted, and fell back to sleep.

Seamus and Dean went back to sticking their tongues down each others throats.

Neville jumped off his bed with a resounding war cry that made the black-haired terrorist nod approvingly. The night was long and the boys had fun!

Hogwarts, the castle, did not see the harm in helping her two favorite heirs advance the terror and chaos that breeds in uneducated minds. Of course, Dumbledore being turned into a door for the day did not seem too inappropriate, and Hogwarts herself suggested that since he had become the main door that he should not open unless someone kicked him in a certain place that men do not mention in polite company. It also stood to reason that the door functioned rather like a turn-style, only one person could go through then the door closed and the process of opening it was repeated.

That was the best stunt. There were more...

* * *

Then there was the incident when everyone got off the train in London at Platform 9 & 3/4. Neither Augusta Longbottom nor Vernon Dursley were any too pleased when Neville and Harry raised their fingers in the air and began to chant, "HELL NO! WE WON'T GO!" It took the Ministry of Magic several hours to clear up the mess caused by the muggle police taking the fat man down to the station and booking him for child abuse. The old lady was reprimanded sternly by social services for making her big hulking grandson have a melt down in public. After all there had to have been something wrong with her if a six-feet-tall lad started screaming about her hitting him. And, what is with her wearing a dead vulture on her head? At least the bird in Labyrinth was alive, and we know that because he distinctly said, "IT is so stimulating being your hat!" He also said, "There goes a couple of suckers!" Does this apply to the boys or the guardians?

* * *

The real magic began when Harry was escorted home by his loving family. Vernon and Petunia stood together and demanded that Harry shape up or things would go badly for him. Harry wanted to know exactly what it was they wanted him to do. Vernon made the mistake of telling him that he did not want to see his face again for the rest of the summer.

Harry glared at him. "You have got to be kidding me. You do not want to see my face for the rest of the summer."

"That is correct, freak. You are not allowed to leave this house, but I will be damned if I have to look at you. Do you understand me?"

Harry scratched his head while giving them a confused look. "Please clarify your reasoning of why you do not want to see my face."

Petunia hissed, "You have been a burden to us ever since you were dropped on our doorstep. We do not want to see you this summer. All we ask is that you disappear."

Harry smiled. "You are sure you want me to disappear?"

Vernon boomed out, "Absolutely, boy. All summer without having to look at you."

Then there before their eyes, Harry Potter disappeared from sight.

A few seconds later Vernon's eyes bugged out of his head as he watched the kitchen door open and close for no apparent reason.

Petunia gulped unsteadily as she watched the door for a second then made eye contact with the land-locked whale that she was abnormal enough to marry and practice bestiality with. "DO you think he is gone?" She whispered fretfully.

Vernon took control of his fear. "We showed him. He has most likely gone outside to get started on his chores."

Petunia gave him an idolizing look. "Yes, of course."

Harry waited until their complacency made them careless and gave Petunia a swat to the butt just as her large son walked past her. The drink she was handing to Vernon went flying through the air to connect with Vernon, and the son stopped in mid-stride to stare at his decidedly peculiar parents. "Daddy? Mummy?"Some things just have no explanation... Vernon, however, knew exactly what had happened. Potter was loose in his house and the boy was invisible. He just knew things were going to get awkward!

* * *

A/N #1. I am not making any money from this gig so JKR does not necessarily have to stress.

A/N #2. I have plans for at least one more chapter. I am working my way up to starting my NaNo write and stil don't really feel the love... I am not particularly agitated yet since I am capable of 20,000 words in one day. (no, I did not say coherent best seller. Yes, there is a differece.)


	2. How did we get to this point?

Chapter 2: How did we get to this point?

Ok, for those of you who do/did not have the investigative nature to inquire as to how did the boys get to this point... Harry and Neville defeated the forces of evil over Christmas break during their sixth year of school. It had been relatively simple with the aid of the Fat Friar and the Bloody Baron. And to continue the alliterations which abound in HP world (see- I can write canon) Hissy Harry and Noxious Neville took their training to heart and became necromancers of the highest order.

It had been surprisingly easy for Harry and Neville to get to become as powerful as they were in a very short time. Two things made it possible. first was the time turner Neville found in his robe pocket after returning to Hogwarts from their trip to the MoM. Second was the pocketful of gadgets Harry dumped out on his bed after trashing Dumbledore's office.

The first thing Harry and Neville did was go back to the Department of Mysteries and smash the prophecy since Harry already knew what it said. Then they went into the room where the veil was fluttering in the non-existent breeze and cast some spells to see what they could do with it. They decided that the easiest thing to do would be to turn the stones around the front of it into a portkey that would take whomever stepped on it to a holding cell at 12 Grimmauld Place that Moonie used during full moons.

We shall talk a little more about that cell later on. Mainly when I have figured out what all I want to happen. Or, I could just say that the full moon is tomorrow night, and since we have trapped Sirius Black and Bellatrix LeStrange there really isn't a problem. Sirius just gets to turn into his grim form, the werewolf gets dumped into the cell through a trapdoor in the ceiling; and since the werewolf isn't allowed to eat the grim, he gets to use the skanky nut-case lady as a chew toy. See, I solved all the problems of the world at one go. Sirius is still alive, Moonie got a low fat, high protien meal, and Bella got a reprieve from insanity.

So, now the boys have a time turner and a bunch of gadgets that they are learning how to use... They really are lucky little sods because the first gadget they began playing with just happened to be a device Rowena Ravenclaw developed for testing a being for magical gifts. Neville had chucked the little cube at Harry because he was not paying attention to something Nev had been talking about. The cube cut his head when it hit and Harry reached up and accidentally got blood on the cube. Both boys stared in amazement as the cube began flashing a series of blue and red colors. He was so startled he dropped the cube onto a parchment, and then sat in a state of complete awe as the parchment began to fill up with a list of Harry's strengths and weaknesses.

When the cube was finished transferring Harry's information to paper, it performed a self cleaning charm on itself and went back to being dormant. Neville grabbed the cube up, bashed his head with it, dropped a wee bit of blood on it, and then set it down to wait for it to do its work.

Both boys were in awe of the fact that they had aptitudes well beyond what they were being asked to do in school. Neither boy had thought to take Arithmancy, Runes, Demonology, Necromancy, crochet, or aural skills. They decided to handle the easiest part first and go talk to the Fat Friar because he was often seen crocheting.

Visiting the Friar was fortuitous because the big reason he crocheted was to keep up his skills of sewing rips in time and space back together. Ok, so that was not such a stupid skill after all, hum? The Friar took the boys under his wing over the next two weeks and showed them not only how to crochet, he started them on a long and happy career with all the other skills they needed.

The Bloody Baron got involved with the boys' training when he heard the Friar teaching them Gregorian chants. It turns out that it is necessary to learn aural skills if one wants to do summoning and banishing rituals involving demons. Harry has promised not to do any summoning while hissing in parseltongue; in return the ghosts who dwell at Hogwarts has promised to share all their collective knowledge both mundane and esoteric.

So, with the aid of the ghosts and the time turner, Harry and Neville soon became Outstanding young sorcerers. And to the horror of Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort et al... they specialized in Necromancy. After spending six months in the real world and several more jumping around on the space/time continuum the boys literally and figuratively befouled his play pen, broke his toys, and sent his unhappy wraith-like spirit packing to the seventh level of Hades.

* * *

Which leaves us back in the present with two over-achievers who are extremely bored. And you all know what they say about idle hands being the devil's playground... There really is no controlling them. The only thing we can hope for is that they discover sex and decide that it is just the thing they need to fill up an idle hour of their time. Which then leads us to the idea that they should probably collect a few dolly-birds each.

Hermione definitely gets to be wife number one for Harry. Luna probably suits for wife number two.

Neville should start out with a wonderful woman who idolizes power so I think Pansy Parkinson will suit. Maybe Hannah and Susan could work out a package deal for spot number two.

It is probably too much to hope for that Ginerva will be treated like a golf ball, you know, whack her around a few times with a club then stuff her in a hole in the ground.

* * *

In case everyone forgot, Neville has gone home with his grandmother and Harry is back at the Dursley house. Just for the fun of moving the plot along (wait, I don't really remember having a plot... ) Neville is back at Longbottom Manor and has decided to face all challenges put forth by his relatives regarding his squibness.

The first indication that life was about to change was great-uncle Algie commenting that it was a good thing that Neville had grown a bit since he would need strength to overcome his almost-squib state. Neville smirked at the old man and asked if he cared to indulge him in a duel. Algie found himself hanging out the same window he had dropped a little boy out of a few years earlier.

Augusta decided that she needed to discipline the young man for dropping his great-uncle. Augusta decided that she would not discipline the young man when he calmly pointed out that she hadn't cared the least bit when the doddering old fool had dropped him out the fourth floor window. She was actually lucky that he was in a good mood and only revived the spirit of the vulture on her hat.

Turning the vulture into an inferi gave him a wonderful idea and before Granny could think of anything to do to him he had dashed off upstairs to his room to collect pen and paper to compose a letter to Harry. He wondered if the two of them could go and visit with Alice and Frank Longbottom and see if there was a chance they could use some of their knowledge to undo the damage inflicted on them.

Augusta gave up all ideas of punishing him when she saw the patronus Nev conjured to carry the message for him. Maybe she and Algie needed to sit down and discuss a few things now that Lord Longbottom was ready to assume his title and duties. It had been a hard fifteen years, but they had been successful in turning him into a fine man and a powerful wizard.

* * *

Things at the Dursley house was not quite as comfortable. For one, the Dursleys were still being incredibly stupid regarding just about every aspect of Harry's existence. And, Marge decided to visit. She was not here yet, but she would be making an appearance within a few days.

The first thing that the Dursleys repented of was requesting that Harry not show his face. Vernon relented on his edict that Harry not be seen and had demanded that Harry make himself visible. Harry retaliated by walking around with a corporel body- and no head.

* * *

A/N #1 Refer to disclaimer in chapter 1.

A/N #2 Thank you to the wonderful people who reviewed, put this story on alert, and/or favorites.


	3. Is there a point to this rebellion?

The Invisible Men get Even

A/N # 1: Obviously I write AU. If you want canon turn back now because you are going to be severely disappointed. And, yes. JKR still makes all the money...

A/N#2: I appreciate you helping with fixing errors and asking questions.

* * *

Chapter 3: Is there a point to this rebellion?

Things did not reach boiling point at the Dursley house until after Aunt Marge arrived. Harry had decided that he would be a good nephew and disappear completely while SHE was in residence. That lasted for all of about six hours. Marge simply could not fathom a visit without criticizing Petunia's nasty runt of a nephew and had no desire to restrain herself simply because he was not there.

SHE started it! SHE was sitting there at the table eating food Hary had cooked and began talking about how Duddy-Wuddy was a fine figure of a man. All four of them spat the drink of their choice all over the remains of their pudding when a voice from nowhere said, "Yes, Duddy-Wuddy is an excellent figure of manhood if imitating the sta-puff marshmallow man is the main agenda."

Marge swivelled around and glared at Petunia. "Did I just hear that nasty nephew of yours?"

Petunia swallowed. "We have not actually seen Harry since he came home for the summer."

Marge smirked as she slurred out the question, "Did they keep him at that reform school he was sent to?"

Vernon paled significantly when the voice spoke behind Marge. "No, Margie Bargie Mustache moo-moo," this was said in a Bellatrix LeStrange ikkle baby voice.

Marge shrieked and turned around. There was nothing behind her. She turned back to Vernon with a strange look in her eyes. "Did you not just hear that Potter runt speak?"

Dudley looked at his Aunt and suddenly blinked a few times while trying to get his mirth under control. He was going to play this for all it was worth and hope that Harry forgave him some of the bad things he had done all his life- up to this point. "Aunt Marge, what are you talking about?" Both of his parents gave him beautific smiles and left him to deal with it.

"That nasty little cousin of yours. He is somewhere in this kitchen. I heard him call me a barge and a cow with a moustache!"

Dudley looked at her seriously. "Well, about that..."

She was about to indulge in homicidal tendencies when she was distracted by Dudley switching the subject. "Aunt Marge, when did you teach Ripper to open doors?"

She whirled around so quickly that time that she fell out of the chair and bounced on the floor . The Dursleys stared at her in horror when they realized she had broken an 18x18" porcelain tile. That was going to be a bitch to fix! She sat there and watched the dog open the door and start to walk out. "Ripper, mommy's baby, what are you doing?"

The dog turned and looked at the woman sprawled out on the floor. "I am going to go throw myself in front of a speeding bus. I can no longer face being your dog."

The Dursleys acted like they did not understand that the dog was speaking English. Marge did not seem too terribly upset about the dog's vocabulary. "But why, baby?"

The dog gave a long suffering sigh. "Because it isn't bad enough that you force me to lick between your thighs on nights that you can't get that Colonel guy drunk enough, it has just occurred to me that the real reason you are so mean to that boy is because you are a paedophile. Now, good day, Madam. I have a bus to throw off schedule."

The family stared in shock at Marge, who immediately broke down in tears.

Dudley was the only voice of reason. "Don't you think you should catch your dog before he finds a bus?"

Marge turned to him with a crazed look in her eyes. "I knew I was not hearing things." She wallowed around on the floor like a beached whale for a few seconds before finding a position in which she could get her legs under her. After that she was up and out the door.

Petunia quickly went to the window and craned her neck out. She gave a 'running' monologue of the scene. The dog saw Marge waddling after him and headed straight for an oncoming bus.

The squeal of brakes, the crunch of bones, and Petunia saying, "Oh, good, the poor little darling got away from that sick woman!" sort of missed its mark completely as Vernon and Dudley stared in horror at the partially transfigured giraffe neck on the Dursley matriarch. She sat down and looked at them. "What?" she asked before zoning out on their 'peculiar' behavior. Randomly she spoke before standing up and heading to the refrigerator, "I really have a craving for a nice green salad. Would either of you like one also?"

Vernon looked at Dudley, Dudley looked at Vernon, both of them said, "No, thank you. I'll just go watch a bit of television."

Harry decided he had had enough fun messing with Marge and went back upstairs. He went in his room and closed the door. He glared slightly as he looked over at the dog lying at the bottom of his bed. "I hope you know, Ripper, that you owe me big time. I got you away from the horrible woman, and in return I demand you never do nasty things like that again."

Ripper woofed quietly and wagged his tail. Harry supposed that was about as much gratitude that the dog needed to express for Harry transfiguing a cockroach into a Ripper clone and sending it out to avenge his honor.

While the people downstairs were having a strange evening, Harry and Ripper were upstairs having a fine time. Harry had sent Hedwig off to Diagon Alley earlier and ordered several Wizarding World meals (just add a touch of magic) and they were all three feasting on succulent roast turkey with chestnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, giblet gravy, cranberry jelly, pumpkin pie and rye bread rolls with sweet fresh butter. (OK, so he ordered the thanksgiving feast from the international cuisine menu- so bite me.)

They had just finished their meal when Dudley knocked on the door. He was carrying Neville's pterodactyl patronus under his arm. "Hey, Harry, this little guy just rang the door bell and said he has a message for you. May I keep him?"

Harry looked at the extinct dinosaur. "Did Neville mean to ressurect you?"

It hopped out of Dudley's grip and landed on the floor. It then took a second to compose itself, straightened, and cleared its throat. "Hum hum. OK, so, Neville said tell you that he just had a great idea and wants your input."

Harry nodded obligingly. "Please continue. I am listening."

It looked around the room for a second. "Do you think you could at least give me a bone to chew on? I have been dead for millions of years and damn, but if I don't feel hungry right now."

Harry, well used to strange creatures, merely nodded a negative. "Message first please. Then you may eat."

It sighed. "That is what I thought you'd say, but I had to ask."

Dudley wandered over to where Ripper was sitting at the table using his knife and fork to scoop up the last bit of mashed potatoes from his plate. "I thought you were dead. Didn't you just walk out of the house and jump in front of a bus?"

Ripper picked up his napkin and wiped his muzzle. "No, that was a cockroach that Harry transfigured into my likeness. I don't mind telling you, Dudley, that aunt of yours is a real sick woman."

Dudley agreed. "Yeah, I can respect that. This whole family has more issues than the London Daily." Then he turned to Harry who was patiently waiting for It to give him the messge. "Can I have one of the turkey legs? Dad and Aunt Barge kind of put me off eating earlier."

It squawked indigently. "He is going to eat it all!" And broke down in sobbing misery instead of giving the message.

Dudley sat down between Ripper and Hedwig. "Hey, dude, just give us the message. I won't touch a thing until Harry says whether it is cool or not."

"Yes, well, Neville had the idea that since his parents' bodies were still on the planet and they are for all intents and purposes functioning, what would be the chances of you two doing a summoning ritual and see if it would unlock them from where ever they have hidden their sanity.

Harry rubbed his chin as he held the elbow with the other hand. "Let me give it some thought. He is probably on to something. Besides, it gives us the oppurtunity to visit Luna and see if she is amendable to becoming wife number two like the author suggested."

Dudley watched as It jumped up on a chair and began serving portions of the feast unto a plate for itself. Finally It took offense to Dudley staring, "WHAT? Have you never seen anything use table manners?"

Dudley shook his head no.

"Just eat, you miserable fat bastard." It snarled before sticking his beak into a goblet that Harry was nice enough to transfigure just for his use.

Dudley figured that he probably should use what manners he knew so he served up his portions and began talking as he ate. "Harry, how does that work? The author suggested you have wives so you are going to go collect them?"

Harry grinned savagely. "Hell, yes! Hermione is an evil bitch who likes bondage and Luna is crazier than a shit house rat. We are going to suit perfectly."

"Do you think that she knows any girls for me?"

Harry turned a serious face to Ripper. "Rip, my man! If she offers you Ginerva Weasley don't accept. Not only will you wind up with a bigger litter than you can provide for, she barks and whines constantly...and not in a good way."


	4. Living in the promised land?

Chapter 4:

Living in the promised land...

outtake on Ministry marriage laws Harry is informed that he is to wed and produce at least two children with Malfoy.

Neville is to wed Ginerva...

* * *

**We hold these truths to be self evident**- (Paragraph 2 of the Declaratin of Independence), it leads nicely into the statement regarding the Ministry of Magic...Whatever the Wizengamot can do incorrectly- the Minister of Magic can do twice as quickly. Their latest bit of rampant idiocy has been egged on by Lucius Malfoy trying to get his grubby little mitts on the Potter Fortune, the Black Fortune, the Peverall vault, and whatever else that can pass for wealth that is connected to Harry Potter. His own coffers were a bit low due to the unfortunate side-effects of being caught on the losing side of the last Wizarding World conflict, therefore Lucius whispered in a few ears, stuck his tongue down a few throats, and generally rearranged his sexual habits in order to promote his new agenda.

August 1st was the day chosen to send all the letters out to the general population. In order to boost the dwindling population of the Wizarding World **every **person of child bearing age between the ages of seventeen and seventy had been entered into a lottery system where the newly formed households would consist of one dominant and three submissives. Only those households with five or more children under the age of fourteen would be exempt from the new marriage laws. Preference would be given to married couples requesting to stay in their quad; this gave Lucius Malfoy the right to keep his wife and child with him.

Harry and Neville were hanging out at St. Mungo's when their owls found them. They were having a bit of a party with the Longbottom parents when the letters were opened. According to the form letter that Frank and Alice received they were exempt from the new Marriage laws indefinitely because of the uncertain condition of their health. However, they were strongly urged to rediscover the 'magic' that helped them create Neville in order to present him with more siblings as soon as they felt up to it.

Neville opened his letter and promptly began cackling like a hyena. If those idiots thought for one moment that he would actually impregnate Ginerva Weasly the old fashioned way they were even more barking mad than he originally thought. When he finally got himself under control he wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes and gasped, "Harry, my new quad consists of myself, Luna Lovegood, Ginerva Weasley and Severus Snape. Who do you reckon they think the dominant is going to be?"

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "I cannot believe these people. Have they been sipping confundus potion again? They sure as hell are not trying to play happy families."

"I should think that the Wizengamot saw this as an oppurtunity to get into some of the more reclusive vaults."

"Yeah, Snape probably thinks he can claim dominant status and you will spend the rest of your life preparing potions ingredients for him. He probably wants your money also so that he can support Ginerva's children. But what is the drawing card to include Luna in the group?"

Neville shook his head. "Maybe they are after control of the Quibbler and think that Snape will force her to kowtow to him and Dumbledore."

Green eyes glowed with an unholy light as the seriously pissed off Necromancer began plotting. "We need to get our arses over to the ministry and read the complete law. I have an inking of what all can go wrong if we don't move quickly."

Neville straightened up. "Who did they assign you to?"

Harry flashed one of his truly evil smiles and replied, "I am to mate with Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy and Draco Malfoy."

Neville returned the smile.

"Damn but this is going to be good." Harry hissed. "Just you wait a week or so and they will have this marriage law off the books. Until then I plan to make Lucius Malfoy rue the day he ever thought he was a better wizard than I."

* * *

Harry decided not to wait for the Malfoys to find him. He showed up at the Ministry of Magic Marriage Register's Office and immediately filled out the paperwork. Since he was the one who did the paperwork he was considered the dominant. Then after doing a few other things, he calmly apparated into Malfoy Manor.

That was the first inking that Lucius had that he might have made a tactical error. When he came downstairs to check on why the wards felt different he was rather surprised to find Harry Potter sitting on the sofa in his favorite lounge chatting up Draco. He drew himself up into his most aristocratic manner and sneered, "Potter, I did not expect to see you until after the wedding."

Harry picked Draco's hand up gently and bestowed a small kiss on his knuckles. "Duty calls. Let me speak to my third wife and I shall get back to you, darling."

Draco was there when Harry and Neville destroyed the Dark Lord Voldemort and knew just what he had gotten into. He liked the situation the way it was turning out. He sat back and waited.

Harry stood up and casually paced over to Lucius. "I stopped by the Ministry on my way over here and filed all the paperwork. You should be pleased to note that I have accepted the terms of marriage to the Malfoy household and only made a few modifications to the terms under which we shall abide."

Lucius arched a perfect brow, "Do tell!"

Harry smiled charmingly. "I am only to happy to. Let us move to the sofa and wait for Narcissa to make an appearance before we start discussing all the dreadfully boring housekeeping details, yes?"

Lucius had no choice but to accept the extended hand and was escorted to his favorite spot on the couch. He was then treated to a small peck on the lips and a cheery smile before Harry resumed his place beside Draco.

The men did not have time enough to become uncomfortable before Narcissa was making an entrance into the salon and Harry was rising to greet her. She received the same consideration as Lucius had, she was escorted to the sofa, seated, kissed lightly and then was ignored in favor of Draco.

Harry sat once again and smiled at Draco before turning to the two elder Malfoys and began speaking. "I received an owl earlier today regarding the new Wizarding World Marriage Decree so I went straight to the Ministry of Magic and sorted out the details for us." Here he paused and gazed at the entwined hands of Lucius and Narcissa. "I really must say that I was quite appalled to discover that Draco had been included in the four-way bind and immediately did what I could to rectify the situation. Since this whole marriage law business is for the benefit of increasing the population of the Wizarding World I chose to form three separate bonds while dissolving the previous marriage of you two since I had to do an order of precedence."

Lucius could see where this was going and did not like it. "What precednce did you need to establish?"

Harry's eyes twinkled as he explained, "I know that you and Narcissa have no desire what-so-ever to commit incest with Draco so I ordered three separate bonds. Draco has agreed to become Consort Potter and help me raise any children that the two of us might create. Narcissa shall become Lady Black and bear me heirs to continue the House of Black." Then smiling like the kneasel who ate the snidget he added, "That leaves you, my dear Lucius, to provide me with heirs to carry on the House of Malfoy."

* * *

A/N #1 Refer to disclaimer in chapter 1.

A/N #2 Thank you to the wonderful people who reviewed, put this story on alert, and/or favorites.


	5. Marriage agrees somewhat

Chapter 5:

It was with a great deal of relief that Harry and Neville greeted September 1st. They toodled off to catch the Hogwarts Express with vacuous smiles on their faces and extreme happiness in their hearts. The marriage law had been repealed posthaste once Cornelius Fudge had been stabled with Alister Moody and Bellatrix LeStrange. The fourth member of their quad was a beautiful dominatrix by the name of Mellisandra Pince. Melly had learned the subtle art of domination from her librarian mother, Irma Pince, and combined it with her father's (Tom Riddle) love of discipline. She straightened the lot of them right up...

The marriage law had actually worked out well for the Malfoys. Narcissa took one look at the differece in equipment between the Potter and the Malfoy and attempted to drag the Potter off to her boudoir to teach him how to use that lovely gift that nature had bestowed upon him. Draco waited until his exquisite mother had disappeared into the bathroom to clean up before 'dinner' and infomed Harry that his parents had never broken their wedding vows to love and honor each other up to this point.

Harry was fine with casting the _Imperio _on Lucius and forcing him to ingest the modified polyjuice potion (good for at least eight hours) and then directing him to enter the room Narcissa was preparing for him. Cold grey eyes glared into laughing green eyes and a tear traced its way down a pale cheek as Lucius Malfoy faced the fact that he would never be rid of HER! He uncorked the vial of potion and knocked it back while still glaring. A few seconds later he felt his clothing become restricted in his groin area and was amazed when he pulled his shirt away from his tailored slacks and noticed a significantly larger piece of equipment that was not even engorged yet. He squealed like a fangirl watching Dr. McCoy in Star Trek and waltzed into the room where his extremely horny wife was waiting.

* * *

Harry smiled sweetly at Draco and mentioned that he did not have to perform for him since he fully expected the law to be repealed within hours. Draco was having none of it. He downed the gender changing potion and informed Harry that any child he/she and Harry produced was going to be absolutely gorgeous. Harry just shrugged his shoulders and sighed. After all, who was he to complain? Sex maniac, teenage boy who has just discovered hormones... sounds like a match made in the potions lab, doesn't it?

Just for the fun factor Harry apparated back to the Dursley house with his new wife and went about introducing her to the relatives. Dudley took one look at the stunningly beautiful Draco Malfoy-Potter and broke down in tears of rage and jealousy. He could be heard sobbing his heart out and begging piteously that Draco leave Harry and become his eternal love. We will not tell you what Vernon thought of the blonde bomshell whose measurements were 38, 24, 34. Petunia and Marge managed to swallow back their vitriol when the little blonde wrapped herself around Harry and after kissing him silly answered their question of what did she see in him. To misquote Legally Blonde, "If you ever saw his penis you would not ask such stupid questions..."

Harry, being the perfect gentleman he is, acknowledged that Draco was not a slouch either. Not only was he/she beautiful, intelligent, and talented, the tits were incredible. When Draco giggled and cooed that he/she would like a string of pearls to prove that that statement was true all three of the older Dursleys grunted and wiggled about a bit.

* * *

Neville had many of the same problems that Harry did. Too many spouses wanted his undivided attention constantly... Originally he felt rather bad about having sex with Luna because he knew that Harry had intended to make an offer for her hand to her father just before the marriage law went into effect. Luna explained in no uncertain terms that Harry was busy with three Malfoys and she did not intend to be 'all noble' and miss out on a good shag because someone else was trying to feel 'all noble.

Snape also gave him to understand that he had conjugal duties and he expected his share. He irritated Neville so badly that the last thing ever heard of from Snape was that he had been relocated to Excessively Perky's attic where he lounges about wearing her pink silk bustiers and french lace knickers. When not dusting the house while dressed in a French maid's uniform complete with heels and fishnet hose he studies old footage from Rocky Horror Picture Show and practices the Time Warp.

Ginerva started to give him her two knuts worth when she was hit by three stunners and had to be taken to St. Mungo's for a nice long stay. The same rumors that told us where Snape was also whispered that Ginerva escaped from St. Mungo's and joined the bachelor party circuit as the adult version of 'pin the tail on the donkey'...


End file.
